Lin Yi didn’t want to think back, maybe she wouldn’t talk to anyone for a lifetime. She sat on the bench and looked at the red sunset hanging on the distant sky. The cigarette in her hand was slowly burning, and the smoke was fleeing up, just like her thoughts.
“Hey, you are here!”
A woman with jet-black hair came beside her, groping her own white coat for something, and then looked at Lin Yi, crooking her finger with a smile: “May I have one?”
With no words, Lin Yi took a pack of cigarettes and a lighter out of her trouser pocket, throwing to the woman.
The woman took the cigarette, sat down next to Lin Yi, crossed her legs, and followed Lin Yi’s gaze to the distance. Wasn’t it enough to look at this view repeatedly every day? She said: “You can almost be discharged from the hospital! In fact, you don’t get sick at all. ”
Lin Yi lowered her head without reply.
“Lin Yi, you are very naive. Many people have been lost after graduation, but you take it this way… Don’t you think it’s unworthy?” The woman glanced at her, “to be honest, being your primary care physician, I think you just act too far.”
Lin Yi just smoked: “You don’t understand.”
Lin Yi was the first patient asking for coming to a mental hospital in Shen BeiBei’s memory. She didn’t know it at first, but now… Shen Beibei frowned, “you think mental illness is a good title?”
Hearing the name, Shen BeiBei, feeling embarrassed, interrupted: “Don’t call me this name!”
Lin Yi smiled: “Doctor Shen, do you know? Here is my safe haven. ”
Shen BeiBei was mad with her cavalier smile and couldn’t say anything. She just stood up, threw away the residual cigarette, showing her back to Lin Yi, and said “Suit yourself, but I… I am leaving tomorrow.”
“Hmm?” Shen BeiBei couldn’t help trembling imperceptibly, and her eyes were full of loneliness: Ah! Right! “I don’t even say I love her before leaving. Why do I prefer this woman who just want to avoid trouble, rather than so many handsome guys?”
Lin Yi did not seem to notice her strangeness, and also stood up and said: “Together…”
However, she did not finished; Shen BeiBei quickly stopped her, “I have to leave,” did not let her continue to say, and run away.
“Together go back…” Looking at the fleeing figure, Lin Yi actually wanted to say something, but she didn’t know how to speak out. If facing something she couldn’t face, she just fled away.
She returned to the ward where five people lived besides her — one felt that she was a cat; an uncommunicative person; one who cut his wrist every day; one who thought monsters actually existed; a violent person who was subjected to electric shock treatment for 23 hours every day — the ward was very noisy every day:
“There are monsters outside, have you seen it!”
Everyone’s topics were never on a line. Lin Yi didn’t know what she was doing. At the age of 21, she just spent half a year in a mental hospital, not like living, but she knew this was an escape for her. Maybe like what a patient said: there were monsters outside.
At night, she was sleeping and suddenly felt a strange touch on her neck. The pain caused her to wake up. Then the door of the ward was opened, and the nurse was shocked and hurriedly shouted for help. After a moment of dizziness, some liquid was flowing out down the neck, and a warm feeling covered on her face gradually; she raised her hand with difficulty to cover her neck, finding it was blood… no, she would see Shen…
Three days later.
Lin Yi was finally awake, and the head nurse sighed with relief: “Are you okay? Any part uncomfortable?” Lin Yi’s voice was weak and hoarse. “What … happened?”
“The patient on the bed next to you…” The nurse knew that Lin Yi could communicate normally, not as seriously ill as other patients. The nurse felt too embarrassed to mention it, pointing at Lin Yi’s neck. After all, it was her responsibility for losing control of that patient.
Lin Yi was very calm. She didn’t feel what kind of thrilling experience she had experienced. Neither did she care if she got another scar. She just asked: “Where is Doctor Shen?”
“She left three days ago. We were supposed to have a farewell party tomorrow. I don’t know why she left so early.”
“Oh,” Lin Yi didn’t say anything, and then every director of departments came to “greet” her. She was lying on the bed just like a specimen.
“Lin Yi, according to our observations, we feel that you have no mental problems now. We have suggested your parents to take you back home, of course, after healing of your wounds.”
Due to the words of the director, she had to pack her bags to go “outside”. Before leaving, she sat on a bench outside the hospital, lit a cigarette, continued to look at the sky, occasionally moved her neck and stared at the ground: going out，ugh…
When she was back to the familiar home, the parents looked at her with some fear, for at that time she smashed a bunch of things at home. She sat on the floor, looking at the scars on her arm. She went to the mental hospital with great effort, even being tortured and electric shocked, but didn’t expect to come out so fast.
“When you got sick, you smashed a lot of things, because you never came back, your room was still not renovated.” The mother’s obsequious, concerning-like voice was still disgusting.
“Oh,” Lin Yi was lying on the cold floor, feeling good while looking at the empty room.
Her mother noticed her action, took a step back, and tentatively asked: “The doctor advised that you may do psychological counseling. Do you want to try it?”
“Then we will contact a doctor.”
“Yeah,” after the mechanical answer, she closed her eyes.
Seeing that she didn’t want to talk, her mother went out of the room and shut the door. Then a strange female voice came from another room: “The doctor said that she has recovered, letting us agree to take her home, but it seems not like so!”
“Dammit, what the hell…” Lin Yi opened her eyes sharply. They still didn’t know that the room was not soundproof; still full of curses; still so disgusting.
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